Library Tales

During my early days at the library, there was a red-headed, sixteen year-old American punk with an English accent named "Joe" who visited the library several evenings a week. Joe was constantly causing trouble. On more than one occassion, Joe was caught trying to leave the library with a backpack full of CD's that he hadn't checked out. He was found in the men's room attempting to pull the security strips off of several DVD's. He would have pizza delivered to the front desk. He was always loud and inappropriate. Invariably, Joe's misbehavior lead to his being kicked out of the library at least once a week. He would always return a few days later, ready for more misadventure. But there was one incident after which Joe did not return. One night, one of the security guards came upon Joe in the upstairs loft, lying on his back, pants at his knees. He was spread eagle and fully exposed, his hand working furiously. The security guard shouted, "Joe, what the f*** are you doing?" as Joe fled from the library. Nobody has seen him since.